Smack 'em hard
The kind of people whom I hate to share a film theatre with :
1. Mr I-hate-the-movie-and-so-should-everyone-else - typically seen asking for a "nayee pikture ki ticket" at the box office. Doesn't give a fuck what movie he is watching as long as he gets to sit in a movie theatre for 2-3 hours and watch some TnA action. True form of this creature emerges when he realises that instead of a Salman Khan/Rajnikanth/K-Jo flick, he has got a ticket to a Rituparno Ghosh or a Sweeney Todd kinda movie. Proceeds to lament his fate for the "bundle/bogus/bakwaas movie" to all and sundry and in the loudest possible voice. Repeats the phrase every 2-5 mins addressing it to everyone around him looking for approval. Usually finds support from another creature of his species who is sitting 5-6 rows away. They then proceed to have a conversation across their rows with a lot of "madarchod/behenchods" thrown in for effect.
2. Mr How-can-i-put-my-phone-on-vibrate: Thinks that vibrate mode on cell phones is only for desperate ladies. Wants to also find a lay for the night by playing his latest Himesh Reshammiya ring tone. Ergo, has his phone on the loudest possible volume so that even the heroine of the movie can hear it. Typically will get atleast 25 phone calls during the course of the movie. And being the extremely important person that he is, Mr. How-can-i-put-my-phone-on-vibrate will take atleast 60 seconds to pick up a phone call. Upon picking up the phone, will proceed to explain the exact location of the theatre that he is currently in, so as that he can be traced in case Mr George W Bush wants to call on him. Alternately uses this phone call to also explain to his assistant how important his 2 crore consignment is. Can be easily spotted in the crowd sporting atleast one or more of the following:
1. Tight Armani Exchange t-shirt over a big fat paunch
2. White snake skin shoes with pointy toes that are from the nether regions of the Texan Wild West
3. Gold chains around the neck and the wrist ala Bappi-da
4. A fat potbellied aunty wearing a tight kurti which was featured in the latest K-Jo movie.
3.Mr Trivia-freak-from-Hell: Knows anything and everything that has ever been written/blogged/insinuated about the actors/director/producer/make-up man of the movie. Will proceed to inform his companion of the same with extremely irritating alacrity at regular intervals and ensure that everyone around him also knows how well informed he is. Prime candidate to be featured in the next episode MTV's "One Tight Slap".
Uggghhhhhhh!
Current Music: Jane's Addiction - Jane Says.
posted by Nitish @ 5:06 AM
Comments: 5
